Beratung you ask? It means counselling in German. I used this word to lure you in. Counselling is such a dull, mis-interpreted, over critiqued word in society – you most likely would have judged or continued scrolling on your newsfeed. I’m going to see a counsellor and I encourage you to do the same.
Now let me explain.
In 2016, I was involved in a life-threatening car accident. I did not lose my life but lost something so dear to me, Soccer, competitively speaking. I am now thankful to be a part of this sport again. Not as a player, but as a performance analyst. It’s important to note that the timing of this event was interesting because I had literally worked my a** off, proving my worth, and receiving a scholarship to play for UBC Okanagan. This was to eventually drop-out of soccer, college, and my mental well-being (anxiety), all within a matter of weeks. It’s crazy because I put so much into getting this “high” in my life that it was all taken away in a moment. And I’m not here to tell you, don’t take things for granted, we all do. Instead i’m telling you to change your thinking.
Was I wrong to party, party, party as a result of my loss? I don’t know. That’s what I decided to do. Can’t change it.
Was I wrong to train, train, train as a result of my loss? I don’t know. That’s what I decided to do. Can’t change it.
Was I wrong to take out my loss on the people closest to me? I don’t know. That’s what I decided to do. Can’t change it.
I can’t change any of it. Yet, it still haunts me to this day. I have put myself and the people around me through enough misery to know that I deserve better, and so do they. My current problems aren’t problems, it’s only my thinking. Ok.. scratch that. My current problems are my problems, but they aren’t other individual’s (in my life) problems to fix. Nor should emotions, situations, individuals and their actions be too heavy for me to deal with. On my own. I talked about resilience in my earlier blog, so here’s me being resilient. Here is me, broken inside, picking myself up, and doing something about it. I’m going to see a counsellor.
I truly believe this experience will be beneficial. Not only for myself but the individuals that I surround myself with. It will be uncomfortable, and probably more uncomfortable than it was writing this blog for you. I think that this experience will help me get to the next level. Why should I rely on my 24 year old self who doesn’t have experience with these problems, try and help these problems? That will take too long (time is money). I can however leave it up to someone with the expertise to help me.
I know that I’m currently “surviving” something but the other side looks too bright to not get there (with the help of someone else’s expertise). I hope after reading this, that you also see this. Seeing a counsellor can separate the bulls*** from the real sh** in your life. Help you focus on what really matters. Help you stay on path (maybe fall off a bit). Help your relationships. Help you. Help your soul. Everything.
Now what are you waiting for?
– Golden Ghrl
I will keep you updated on my progress.