This topic stemmed from giving back to my community and coaching soccer at a youth camp this last week.
I will never say no to giving back to the sport that created me. The camp was reminiscent for me to be a part of because, I. Was. That. Little. Girl. That little girl, who had a fire in her belly, who just hadn’t witnessed the harshness of life. I am still that little girl, but this sport has taught me, resilience. It has taught me how to bounce back, and bounce back harder, every time, no matter the situation.
In one simple word, it is, toughness. Although, do not forget that it is a skill. It’s not a characteristic or a trait. It means we all have the god given ability and capacity to figure our s**t out and develop this skill. Yeah, it’s a powerful word, I agree.
That does not mean, that having resilience, you are at all above; devastation, curling up in fetal position in despair, emptiness, regret, overwhelmed by emotions and stress, and vulnerability.
It just simply means that at some point, sooner or later, you will pick yourself up off the floor, and simply, move forward – no matter how hard it seems in the moment. You understand that you are not defined by your suffering, but instead find meaning and learn from it – no matter if it takes you months, maybe even years (who is judging you though, seriously). You believe in yourself when you feel the world is against you. You are your own number one fan. You understand that healing takes vulnerability and are open to showing weakness no matter the outcome. You bend but you do not break. You know that pain is painful, emotions are emotional and healing takes time. Again, it’s a powerful word.
I recognized my resilience early on in life. There are so many times where I felt the world was so against me but I was able to channel it into “fight energy,” and get back up. Over and over. Here’s a few:
– I was bullied for a mole on my face (and still do today) in which, I would (but don’t anymore cus f**k other peoples opinions, seriously) curl up into a ball, and ask, “why me? why do I have this mole on my face?” (One of the first moments where I remember picking myself back up, because, words do hurt).
– I was told I wasn’t good enough to make a soccer team, countless times, but still showed up every time, broken, still fighting, eventually making the team, if not a better team. (Seriously, resilience gets you to the next level, I witnessed this).
– I was involved in a life threatening car accident that resulted in me dropping out of university for a few semesters and forced me to quit soccer. (This has taken me years to accept, which is why I noted that resilience isn’t about getting up right away, just eventually).
– The universe took away from me, the love of my life.
Can you recall moments where you showed up for yourself, and were resilient to external factors?
You might be thinking that you cannot relate. You probably are just focusing on the resilient “good.” Don’t forget to reflect on both “the good” and “the bad.” Because to be honest, it doesn’t mean sometimes i’m not curled up on the floor (maybe for you too), full of emotions, weeping, thinking I won’t get through it. But, “the bad” is also what makes me resilient and the same goes for you. I can feel so devastated but I can still conjure the strength to get up and move forward no matter the circumstances. That song lyric, “I get knocked down, and i get up again,” is a real thing for the both of us.
Do you have resilience?
If you still don’t think so, that’s fine. If you have a minimal amount, that’s also fine. It’s a skill, and we can work on it together. In my mind, resilience is that edge. It’s going to help me get to that next level and it will for you too. It’s why I created this blog post and why this is so important to me, like it should be for you, too.
DEVELOP THIS SKILL. BECOME MORE RESILIENT.
4 THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN WORKING ON AND DEVELOPING RESILIENCE:
You need to be emotionally intelligent, you need to have a deeper understanding of what is going on. Why? it’s so important to be aware of what your heart, your brain and your body is telling you. Those things never lie. Awareness is not that you are avoiding the stress and trauma but you are facing it with your ability to understand and problem solve and not freak the f**k out. You can practice this by staying present and can do this by pointing out five things you see/feel around you, multiple times a day (you’re welcome).
This is important because in order to be resilient you need to accept that you have put in your best effort. That no matter the outcome or circumstances, you have done every you can in your power and the next step is to accept and learn from the situation. (Side note: the world is not always against you, see the good, accept, and move forward. You will save yourself the headache and maybe, heartbreak).
Keep Positive Energy Close.
PSA: Drake was right when he said to keep the family close!!! Seriously, only keep room in your life for the people who lift you up. How do you expect to develop this skill if you are constantly being broken down. Remove the negativity from your life, no matter how hard this becomes. You will thank yourself later. (Side note: WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO BE NICE HUMANS??)
Write About Your Experiences.
This goes hand in hand with being self-aware, have a track record, whether it is on paper or mentally of when you kicked ass at being resilient or when you failed. This will allow for you to build a mental muscle of confidence for every situation/obstacle that comes your way.
Okay breathe. Maybe you now realize you have a lot to work on in order to get to the next level. The beauty is that you have your whole life to work on this. I want to remind you that the times that I was not resilient, I learned a lot too. I want to remind you that you are not too strong and you are not too weak, but you are strong when you need to be strong and weak when you need to be weak. That it truly is okay to not be okay, just get back up. You owe it to yourself and no one else. Surround yourself with people who are resilient themselves; who do not bring you down because they are hurt internally (hurt people hurt other people) and, keep moving forward.
This blog post is a reminder to myself (and to you) that in order to get to the next level, we need resilience, and more of it. Whatever we have faced in the past will be easier to comprehend than what is to come. But from our past lessons, and snippets of our resilience, we’ll be able to overcome those future hardships, heartbreaks, and hopeless moments in order to be the change for not only ourselves, but the ones who look up to us.